And we think we are educated...

Now just wait a minute, I think we are 'getting ahead of the horse'.

I think instead of the bookshelf, I am going to ask them to hang a 'hubbord' on my cube.  (cupboard?)

I guess all the left over food has already been 'scoundered'. (scavenged?)

We haven't gotten that process set up 'automatedly'.

Can you add some of our additional service to the business 'boucher'?  We would like to only have one 'broucher' to pass out to our customers.  (brochure vs voucher?)

You can't stop her...

She is determinated.

Happy Thanksgiving...late.

I bought all sorts of odds and ins.

Is that decision hard in stone?

We need to run that down the flagpost. 

Catching Up

I have to get really good hiking boots, because I don't have any 'cartridge' in my knees.

Let's just watch them put on boots and start 'duck walking'.  (AKA goose stepping)

I am a huge fan of 'Dark Vader'.  (Obviously not that big of a fan!)

I like being out in the wilderness, loneliness and 'solitution'.

Written in a technical spec = D-Mark (instead of demarc, as in demarcation point)

Oh, a few new ones...

That's the way telecom has worked for centuries.

They didn't catch any "grammicals" in the powerpoint presentation.

I walked into the meeting "blindfolded" since I didn't know the answers to any of thier questions.

When she yelled, the room went "dead pan silent".

Been a while...

The boss was out of town, so everyone was 'running rancid'.

It's a girl!

My cousin's baby was born 'immature'.  She was 4 weeks early, but healthy.

Don't Fall Over!

Our network is redundant, so if one fails we have 'fallover'.  (fail over)

Been a while...

We offer phone service to army bases and 'barricades' where the soldiers live. (barracks?)

Can you send that data in a comma 'deliminated' file?

Or hardly working...

Working hard = trunking uphill

I don't want to over plate myself. (I don't want to over state myself?)

Person 1: I went to the Fred Astaire Dance Studio and got lessons from Fred!
Person 2: Fred Astaire is dead.
Person 1: How do you know?
Person 2: Do you know who Fred Astaire is?
Person 1: I guess not, I thought he gave me dance lessons last night.
Person 2: Do you know who Cary Grant is?
Person 1: I've heard of her.
{giggle giggle}

No Clue

We are getting down to the 'dotted line'.

He was kinda 'fuddling' his words.

Don't yell at me when I'm coming right out of the bull.

Joel works SO hard on Fridays!

You want to do WHAT?

Hey, I have a marketing idea I want to 'throw off your head'.

No Potential

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............YIKES!

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (are you kidding me right now?)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Over Under

If we win this contract plus support contract, it's gonna be a huge 'over-taking'.

How much is that?

I found something for you so now I have to charge you a "finer fee".

Few good ones!

"oh my gosh, …I just had a mind blank… I'm so sorry"

"I don’t know, I'll have to re-ask him"

"Thai is food, not people! People from Thailand are Thai'lish or Thai'landers."

"they had a coral on the plane" = quarrel

"he started shouting all these espisatives" = expletives

My feelings were hurt...

...and my hurt comes across as anger. Someone will die.


These are marshmallows. I will never look at them the same.

We had what?

We have many 'fall overs' in place.

I had my 'head between my tails'.

Short Bus...I mean Special Bus

At the airport in Huntington, WV. Looks like a regular airport shuttle, right? Let's zoom in...


FOR REAL?

You are traveling in WHAT?

Winstobago. In context, it is an RV of some kind. Possibly purchased with cigarette coupons.

(I copied this directly from Joel's text. I still laugh when I read it.)

Religious? Maybe. Smart? No.

Two from Jorelle

lasternight

fictitional

More facebook...

Facebook is a wonderful reference for 'isms...or things that are just wrong.

Someone referred to himself as an "Appalacian American" on Facebook . There are so many things wrong with that statement, from sentiment to spelling.

Typos?

I'm hoping these are typos...

Savagable?


Amune?

Translated into??

Saturday night MJ and I tried Mt. Fuji. It was AWESOME!!! We were opening our chopsticks and I looked at the wrapper. Pretty typical, right?


And their address on the other side...


At a closer look...I think it is supposed to be Doug Baker Blvd.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

What's for Dinner?

We are having butter beans, pan-fried potatoes and 'coldslaw'.

A what?

Jane will be out of the office for a week, we need to find a 'tempt' to sit in for her.

I can reach the top 'shef', will you hand me that book?

More words confused on Facebook:
fills = feels
lifes = lifes

Pet Peeve

Where are you going?

Which statue is that?

Not quite...

person1: So what are you going to name it if it is a girl?
person2: Claire Annette
person1: Awww.. how cute! That's a cute name.
person3: I think he was being facetious.
person2: Claire Annette? Get it?
person1: OHHHHH!!! Silly me, yeah, like the hairspray....


Well, I can grill those on the 'mormon' grill.

That system needs a 'major haul'.

Only one?

I will gather the materials and we'll get that 'knocked up'.

Few from the last week...

I'm so stressed! My 'physical' stomach is getting an ulcer.

I told the customer it was out of the 'rim' of our expertise. (realm)

'Is this a real river?' (As we were standing in a lazy river that was 1 1/2 feet deep and set in a 2 story high wooden deck.)

Can we go back to the 'hot bath tub'? (hot tub)

In Your Eye!

I went to the eye doctor and had a piece of plastic stuck in my 'corneal'.

Funny

co-worker #1: "did you fall down??"
co-worker #2: "no, but my blackberry did"

I will be flying around the air.

Thanks everyone for 'expanding'!

Whatever Your Name Is...

Charles Massie = Charles Manson

Ricardo Havera = Geraldo Rivera

Isolation fan = oscillating fan

A few little ones...

Don't put the 'buggy before the cart'.

"I tried to leave it up front...and hidden"

We are having chicken 'marcel' for lunch today.

Texarkana?

I can't be in Arkansas and Texas at the same time! I can't make that stuff up!

I can't wait until this is 'overwards'.

I found out what their plan is, now I'm just trying to beat them to the 'spear'.

Cake Wrecktastic!

Happy Father's day to all those fishermen...errr...gun-toting...errr...whatever, this is supposed to be.

Thank you, Joel!

Thanks, Amanda!

My phone is 'insuperior' to your iPhone.

The facts don't support the 'argumentation'.

YUM!

My friend and her husband had a hard time 'consuming' a baby and then ended up having twins!

My pants are always too long so I get them 'alternated'.

With the mostest?

Just Another Wednesday

I think my grandmother has 'guacoma'. (glaucoma?)

I can't type the 'phonetical' emphasis of the word.

Employee 1: "Hey, a silver Range Rover in the parking lot left their lights on. You may want to send an email out notifying the owner."
Employee 2: " Where is it?"
Employee 1: "In the parking lot."
Employee 2: "What kind is it?"
Employee 1: "A Range Rover."
Employee 2: "What color is it?"
Employee 1: "Silver."
Employee 2: "Ok, I will email."

Facebook Fails

My little boy is sound to sleep.

I cooked meatloaf and green beans for supper...I am better at serial.

Looks like fun, wished I had a pool.

Please Repeat

We were confused but we got it all straightened 'up'.

My calendars are all 'running apart'.

I don't have a 'bone' in that fight.

When I go to the doctor, I am 'full down'. (very sick?)

I am going to try to remove one of them so you may 'gettification'.

What state starts with W?

Yep...Wyomy.

You are cut off!

I am so glad we got to the bar before they started charging an 'activation fee'. (cover charge)

Manyerisms = mannerisms

Does a one 'armed' duck swim in circles? (Do ducks have arms?)

So Many Today!!

The bride was wearing a 'vidal brail'.

She did a 'complete 160'.

Describing a sofa...I don’t really know, but it’s a 'cubular' shape. [pronounced: cube-u-lar]

Oldie but a Goodie

When talking about the tech depts at customer sites: " they have little people in little closets everywhere".

We need to try to 'allevlate' the situation. (alleviate)

Electronical (this one has been heard before...by a different person)

I closed two sales this month and I have two more in the 'pike'.

Carved in 'granite'.

The employment numbers were modest but nothing to get right home about. (nothing to write home about?)

Big Day

'Come as you go' (Come and go or come as you are?)

He was angry and said he was going to 'ring him up'. (ream out?)

It was 45 degrees and I had never been so 'cold for my life'.

The process is so 'strenius' and stressful. (strenuous)

These guys want to buy the whole 'kabity', not just one or two products. (kaboodle)

We would be selling the whole 'aunchalada' to customers. (Enchilada)

Heard on TV...

I heard these on TV tonight and thought they were perfect for the blog!

It is 'redumanant' to give a greeting card that says you care...of course you care if you get them a card.

If you can afford diamonds you should buy 'Cuban zirconium'. It is made by Cubans so it is a lot cheaper.

Then you have yourself a...what?

When the sales engineer gives too much information that causes the customer to ask more questions...then you have a 'columbrant'. (conundrum?)

The amendment sent was 'efficient'. (sufficient)

What were you talking about?

I hear that story over and over...it is a 'classical' conversation.

Sir, what do you use the bandana for?

This is Matt's dad at Do Dah Day two years ago. Isn't he handsome? I especially like the smiley face tattoo!

Don't help him!

statistics = status sticks

When I was trying on a low cut shirt, I was 'humidified'. (humiliated)

Kelly isn't a fan of assisted suicide AKA 'euthanism'.

What is it made of?

Manogahide = naugahyde

They are 'treading in shallow water'.

Can you tell me where the 'bathrune' is?

I have been working out and I think I pulled my 'calft' muscle.

Careful!

I think we sent out a 'sandblast' email about the 'incentative' program.

I've been trying to go around the horse all day to get that amendment.

Jorge has the life!

They call him the what???

algum-orithum = algorithm

Oh, a blunder.

My 'upmost' apologies for missing the meeting 2 weeks ago.

Sorry we couldn't be able to make it to the last meeting. We had a little bit of blunders.

Right word...well, almost.

Please shut the door and don't let that 'wast' in! (wasp)

I need to empty the filter on the 'valcum' cleaner.

Insidiutards = inside out

Overload?

That dog has so much 'electricity'! (energy)

The call was great and I feel like I am on information 'download'.

You can't soap that smell off!

Blonde mullet anyone?

Isaac ("I-sa-ic") had his initiation into Tier 2 yesterday...

You had them what?

I just had a few of my clothes 'alterated'.

In LA, there are a 'plether' of grocery stores.

Slow Week

She has a 'go lucky' attitude.

"If you have a shot, can you give me a call?"

"I hope someone takes all my clothes. I really need some money." --(actually talking about consignment selling, not other ways of making money...)

"Well, I have an electric one, but sometimes you just need to screw something." --(actually talking about a screwdriver)

One Word

If it is not a vowel... It must be a 'constanint'.

How many 'tongs' are on a fork?

I made spaghetti and added extra 'presto' and 'organo'.

So tomorrow we need to get together and begin an 'outlay'. = outline

He gives you the whole spit.

Oh, I wish I had more...

I don't know where he is! I'm not "his mother's keeper". Well, I'm not!

He has already wroten me back. (Rhymes with floatin')

You can use my monkey bag. ( a gift bag with monkeys on it)

I hate birds with broken necks and severated heads.

The problems we had did not give me the ooey gooey.

Happy Monday

When you 'fast forwarded' me that email.
I'm not 'in liberty' to say that.

What did you say?

Yes, that really sophisticates things.

I read them say it on the board.

Word of the Day

Furmones = You know, furmones, those things in Polo cologne that attracts women.

'Kevin caught a 30lb fish this morning. He wants him to call you.'

Black Magic

"Coming out of the egg hatch brand new."

"Manyerisms"

I have been working on this one little problem and it is "driving me nail and tooth".

Now that is a new one!

"add some light to why"

Momentum Leprechaun!

Looks like someone loves April!

In this...contest?

It doesn't really fit in this "contest". (context)

I want to lower the prices, but I'm not going to "sell the house".

It is "starting to yuck" outside.

It is just me or...

See the little label? Let's zoom in, shall we?


Where would you THINK those items were?

Huh? I can't hear you!

HD Voice..."...it's kinda like stereo. "

"fish it out" = dish it out

Anthony wants to go to Boston to "pick" for clams.

Let's get back together next week and "regather". (regroup?)

We are all cut from the same "dye".

What do you think I am, a "brain scientist"?

You Memorize Me

Out of Office

I just received this out of office response to an email I sent...name erased to 'save' the ignorant.

Sent: Thursday, February 25, 2010 11:05 AM
To: Jennifer Jacobs
Subject: Out of Office

I am currently out of the office today with limited access to email. Please leave a voice message if you require my immediate assistance. I will return your call as soon possible.

Nothing better to post today...

Are you and I in "agreeance"?

Are you ready to "gobble up" this information?

This is where you get put in a pickle.

I put it on the top of the page so it can be "black and white and read all over".

She is not happy now that the "rubber is hitting the road".

I was talking to him, you know, just kind of "picking the tires".

That is my whole new "plush of fear".

He didn't notice that I put it in the contract...I just kind of "scrooped" it in there.

Watching Grass Grow

It has been a slow week around here...

The Booth

SCTE 2008?

2007 was SCARY!