Gag

Is that like a digestinal worm?

Voted as one of the best...

She asked him if he was casterized. She meant to ask him if he was castrated.

Not Quite Right

Did you fall off the face over the EARTH?

I think it is...

Is that like a digestinal worm?

I didn't know...

Must have been my 'subconscience'.

Where can we go?

I had a house fire and all of my stuff had smoke 'inhalation'.

There are a lot of good places to go around here, you've got the 'Baumhowsers'.

Don't double guess yourself!

He is coming to the office to meet the team so he doesn't think I'm a 'one man stand'.

Oh, don't listen to me, I was just talking outloud. (thinking outloud)

We are trying to get it done 'quicklier'.

I am always hear for you.

There are still people who use those 'radial' phones!

This list covers all we have had since Dec of this year.  (The current month is May...)

"What color was his hair?"

"Pepper-spray. He had Pepper-spray hair."   = Salt and Pepper hair

SAVAGES!

We couldn't even 'savage' the tin from the roof.

You ever hear of a basement made out of cedar blocks?

You're bouncing around like a ping pong machine.

The tornado knocked the world off its 'axel'.

Few New Ones

Smolter = smolder
Smolt = ash

Artificial forks = plastic forks.
 
"I really need to go wrench my clothes out."  (Wrench = Rinse)

We have a LOT lately!

Those two do not have any relation to each other, they don't 'collate'.  (correlate?)

Is your 'extinction' 4454 or should I dial the whole number?

Employee 1:  "Our happy hour is at iCantina."
Employee 2:  "Where is Ike and Tina?"

The chicken isn't awesome, just "mediocra".

I wish I could connect to the wireless at the airport.  Does this one not have 'wee-fi'?

Can we go to Wendy's?  I want to try the new fries with "Sea Water."

"Is that one of those electronic blankets?  I mean electronical."

Does it need a collar?

The nurse cut the 'unbiblical cord'.

The experience gave me a new 'leash' on life.

1 meeting = 2 good ones

I don't know what would make him happy so I am just 'stabbing in the dark'.

I don't mean to bring up 'past bones' but a few years ago...

Crack. Pop. Same thing.

I was 'popping' jokes.  (cracking?)


I have had a concussion for 3 days now!

A few emailed to me...

I know that's what their caps were set on.

He called in to the Paul 'Fineball' show and was braggin' about it.

"Get into someones skins"="Get under someones skin". This one is not only amusing, but also creepy on several levels.

It is not that late...

I need to 'pinch some numbers'.  (crunch)  HA!

Let me 'weed' that down for you.

It is so stressful at work today!  I'm 'in hives'!    (Is she covered in bees?)

Few for the end of January!

They want to use our monitoring tool but they want to use it for some customers that are a little outside our 'rim'.

Encompass is correct = encompasses  (sometimes just the emphasis on the wrong syllable is funny enough!)

I bought you a new sword, maybe you can find a 'scalbert' for it.   (scabbard?)

HOT HOT HOT

Shall I not microwave BECAUSE it is hot?  Why would I?

The due date for this project is the '20st' of January. 

I'm only going out to eat once a week now so that I don't get all 'charged up'.

I saw on Twitter someone said James Spann could destroy aliens with his 'bear hands'.

Never heard of it...

Humididity

That is not the current "mode of operandi."

I think I know her!

Yeah, it's confusing...I have a hard time wrapping my arms around it.

Your safety is "utterly mosty" important to us.


Ever hear of a film maker by the name of Albert Hitchcock?

Tickles my nose...

Sultzer = carbonation